The Content Imp
Ever wondered what a Content Imp looks like? Well, there he is. I expect you were looking for something small with glasses surrounded by scrolls, well not our Imp, baby! The EA Content Imp can kick the ass of any other website-based Imp in this or any adjacent universe. He stands at 6’8” and weighs in at 650 pounds, although he has delicate, girlish fingers which are perfect for typing long into the night.
When not engaged in his favourite pastime – slowly barbequing the children who stumble into his lair – the Content Imp is responsible for almost all the written words (like these ones ß) which appear on the Epic Adventures website. He’s the one who, through whatever strange sorcery he commands, makes sure all the little blue links actually have somewhere to go and he’s the one who posts all the little updates on the main page.
Oh yes, great is the Imp, and powerful with the dark side of the ‘Net. He infringes copyright with nary a care. But despite his rather daunting appearance and phenomenal cosmic powers, he’s actually quite a nice chap to talk to – though he does tend to use a lot of clichés. In fact when you click on any of the “Contact the Imp” buttons, your message is sent directly to him via Impmail, which has recently replaced Hotmail as the number one web based e-mail program in the lower layers of the Abyss and the suburbs of Pandemonium. You can see him answering just such an e-mail in the photograph above (yes, it is a photograph), and if you look really closely you can almost see his reply… yes, it’s two words… it’s… ah, well, moving on.
If you have any questions for The Content Imp feel free to ask. Even if he doesn’t answer your mail, he prints it out and uses it as lining for his litter tray – the complaints are his favourites. Please do not attempt to make any “unholy” pacts with the Content Imp as such activities contravene the contract EA has with its website provider. And remember, as with all summoned creatures be aware of the basic safety precautions.
Do not feed the Imp – Do not taunt the Imp – Keep your arms and legs within the magic circle at all times.
If you do not obey any of these rules your eternal soul may be forfeit. Epic Adventures disclaims all liability for the loss of soul of any user which results from feeding or taunting the Imp, disregarding the magic circle, or other irresponsible behaviour on the part of the user. By contacting the Content Imp you are relinquishing any so-called moral right to keep your intestines on the inside of your skin and giving him non-exclusive permission to publish your correspondence in any format he, or a third-party Imp designated by the Content Imp, chooses, without notice, in the past, now and forever, throughout the universe and in Detroit, Michigan.