Roger used to be just another redneck happily wiling his life away with Jerry Springer, shotgun practice and Klan meetings. But serendipity changed all that; one day while fishing in a swamp near his log cabin home – which flooded regularly due to its proximity to the swamp – Roger was struck by lightning. Struck one-hundred and thirty-eight times, in rapid succession. His cabin burned down, his KKK outfit was scorched beyond use, his collection of endangered stuffed animals was incinerated and his favourite checked shirt lost its musky aroma of pig sweat. Roger should have been killed, but instead was transformed into a half-man, half-goop Swamp Thing. The Guinness Book of World Records lists that as the worst day ever had by anyone.
Subsequent days have been better. Roger learned to cope with, and eventually value, his ability to become one with the mangroves. His noxious odour doesn’t bother him as much as it used to and nowadays its barely flammable. Thanks to expert styling tips from the owner of a famous New York salon, only his semi-liquid body and verdant green complexion mixed with twigs and bark hint at the fact that he is not a completely normal human being.
Roger is the web designer for EA, DM of The Nameless World game and an occasional crime fighter. He says that he would like to fight crime more often, but finds it hard to find crimes which have a swamp element to them. Very few banks are built in swamps, the lack of roads make drive-by-shootings a rare luxury and international terrorist organisations have negotiated favourable rates with the Holiday Inn. Mostly Roger spends his time thwarting littering and he has become known as the stalwart enemy of those who would play ball games in prohibited areas and sing loudly at night. He recently received a commendation for interrupting his 100th underage couple attempting intercourse in one of his swamp’s many duck hides.
Roger has been banned from public transport, so has to walk from his swamp to the Epic Adventures castle. On warm days the Content Imp wont let him inside because he stinks up the place, while on very cold days Roger’s semi-liquid feet stick to the drawbridge and he has to pried off with a spatula and defrosted in the office microwave. When Roger gets inside the EA castle he is the one who makes the navbars and advises the HTML inept Imp – usually that advice is in a secret code of thrown objects which even the Imp has not yet decoded.
So if you’re browsing using our flash navbar, move the magic sword up and down and remember that it was coded by someone who has to use a waterproof, easy-wipe keyboard. For more information on Roger, click on the photograph (yes, it is a photograph) of him above.